Hit by the blue lights

Now depending on what neighborhood your in your age,sex,and race. Being stopped my the police can be very different. I have had to deal with the police many times in my life. I have been treated very differently. When I lived in New Hampshire and lived in nice area. There approach would be way different. Now I live in what I like to call the “hood”. I have to learn the law and my rights . I have 2 boys in the teenage years. I have had to go toe to toe with police on many occasions.

The worst run in with the police was a little over a year ago. My youngest got caught taking something. It’s a long story he really didn’t know he was stealing. He actually had the money to buy it. Long story short they called me to come get him. They continued to judge me on where I lived. They wanted to hit my son with a felony. A child who has a higher IQ then every one in that room. Not caring about ruining a kids future. I freaked out and I was right! No charges! The cops literally looked upset that they could not ruin this kids future. WTF!!! When did this become a thing. When did they want to ruin any child to succeed in life. I have literally seen my boys on the ground being searched. I just happen to pull up. My 15 year old searched and thrown on the ground! WTF!!!!

It’s a power struggle. They make it that you never want to call them. This world is going crazy right now. I live in the hood. While every one was worried about TP. I was buying guns and ammo. No one in the hood will be calling the police. Stay safe every one! Make sure you hoard the right shit! 

Wtf

I believe that men and I guess woman but I speaking as a woman so. Men should have to fill out an application before they get a date. I want reference!

Just because you buy dinner does not give you a pass to grope me! It’s not like a fucking down payment. Don’t think that if I hug you it means more.

I am nice and I hate conflict. I hate to be mean. So it makes it hard when some one does something that I don’t want. I have drove away from a groping date. Before I pull out I hit block. Is that right no! It’s not. I do what I hate when it’s done to me.

I have had some one tell me I am just not for them. It hurt worse then being blocked. The words hurt. It felt like just like when I was married. When he said I just don’t want you.

When I go on date and they ask me about my ex. I just say he fucked my best friend. Then the conversation is over. There is so much more but I will never talk about.

I have gotten to close to some. I told them my dark past. In there meanest they have used it against me.

I have no idea what has happened in this crazy world. Many days I just give up. I rather just stay single.

I have heard stories from my guy friends that woman are just as crazy. I could image that. Maybe we are all crazy became we have to deal with crazy ass men!!! Lol

When cats dream

I love to sleep! It’s when every thing is good. When I sleep you are here with me. We are back in our house and happy. I can even smell you in my sleep. I don’t need for anything. I have every thing I need. I get to lay on that great bed. I can feel you laying next to me.

Then I get woken by another furry thing that barks. So annoying, Not sure why humans like them so much. They are so needy. Maybe that’s what I need to be more needy. There are tons of kittys out here. You don’t see very many dogs. Now this thing wakes me up out of my happy place. Now I have to run because its now chasing me. I run up a big tree. He can’t climb so I am safe. I find a branch and off to sleep I go……

This time my dream is not good. I am searching for you. I can’t find you. You left me again! I can’t even have a good dream any more. I have a hard time remembering you. Soon I will forget your voice then your smell. My dreams won’t be happy any more. I don’t no how long you have been gone. I do no I want to find you. No one can take care of me like you.

Our time was cut short. You just left me one day. Until I can see you again I just hope to see you when I sleep. I hope I never forget you. The only time I feel happy is when I dream……

Freedom

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What is worth losing your freedom for? Have you ever really thought about it? Have you ever had to much to drink and yet still drive home? Just like that you could lose your freedom. One dumb night one dumb decision. Just like that you could be put in jail. I learned my leson when I was 20. I went out drinking and drove. I crashed my car(I loved that car). I don’t remember much but I very clearly remeber the sound of the slamming of the door. That sound I have never ever forgot.

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Is making money worth losing your freedon? Most people would say nope not me. I can guarantee that most people risk it every day. Either by making bad decisions or greed. What if you needed something to survive but didn’t have money for it?

For me no money in the world is worth chancing it. I live my life one paycheck away from being homeless. Is that a great way to live. Hell no it’s not. It’s stressful and hard. I no for sure the police will not lock me up for being broke. My son likes to argue this point. He believes that we give up our freedom by going to work every day. That every one is just doing what you are trained to do. 

I often wonder if the people who risk there freedom every day. If they have ever lost there freedom. If they no how it feels not to be able to leave. I can tell you it’s horrible. So I guess my question is how much are you willing to risk?

Why a Tom cat?

I met up with my “Tom” cat. I asked him why do you like being a “Tom” cat? He said well I don’t make a good house cat soooo. I asked what makes a good house cat? He says well for starters you have to like to be stuck in one house for years. I said well I get that but don’t you get tired of having to search for everything? He then said no because if I wanted everything handed to me I would be a house cat.

I asked him don’t you get lonely out here all by yourself. He said I am not alone very often there lots of out here. Some not so nice and some are too nice. He went on to tell me he wasn’t always a “Tom” cat. I had home once humans that fed me. I had a nice warm bed that slept in. Then one day I went out to play. I guess I lost my way. I tried to find them but I never did.

I went hungry for bit. I had no idea what to do with out my humans. I missed them a lot but I guess they never looked for me.

So then the chase began. I had to chase my meals,warmth and any thing else I wanted. I learned real quick the big things on the road stay away! Also the kitty police with a net. Run!!!!I have lost a lot of friends to both.

I went on to ask him did you ever try to find another house to stay in? He said no I guess I was a one house kinda kitty. I had it once so at least I can say I had it. There lots of kitty’s out here who have never been in house.

The world is our house. We are free to go any where. There is always food somewhere. You can always find a nice warm place to stay. When you stop trying to find the perfect house to live in. You will learn to enjoy the freedom.

Sorry kitty I gotta go. I have been here with you to long. Then the “tom’ cat ran off. I will see him in a few weeks maybe….

Why did you leave?

I loved that you had been home with me. I was able to cuddle with you all day. You didn’t seem happy. You sensed sad. I tried everything I new how to do. You told me every day how much you loved me. You always said it was so unfair that I could not live as long as you. But yet I am still here and I can’t find you. Where did you go? Why can’t I find you. Why is some one else sleeping in your spot?

I got so happy I saw some one sleeping in your spot. I thought you had come back for me. I then realized it was not you. I can still smell your sent here on your things. I no you wouldn’t just leave me. You have always had me with you. Even when you moved me in to a new home. I was ok because I had you.

This nice man feeds me when I demand to be fed. I still search for you. I think this man knows where you are. He gets sad when I cry and jump on your side of the bed.

I do all kinds of bad stuff hoping you will come back and yell at me. No matter what I do you don’t come back. Why would you leave me? I no you left me with this nice guy. He isn’t you. I want you to pet me. I want you to cuddle with me. I have no idea who this other person is. She isn’t you!!!! This is the longest I have been away from you. I no I am getting old. What happens if I never see you again? I forget every day your still not here. I wake up searching for you. Every day I my heart breaks again and again.

Lost???

I get lost every where! Or do I?? I never take the same way I came. When I climb a mountain or go for a walk in the woods. I never want to go the same way. This is true no matter what. Even going to work , I go one way there and different way home. I have been doing this my whole life. I guess I never realized this till lately. I alway end up lost. I once got so lost. I could not find my way for 5 hours. I had to have my ex hubby then hubby track me down the mountain.

Any one who knows me knows how distracted I get. I can lose my way from time to time. My life is more about about the adventure then the destination. I like to take the fun way.

I have actually found some really cool stuff be lost. One time the boys and I got lost in Vermont after climbing a mountain. Had no service to gps our are selves home. Of course I got lost! We found a homemade ice cram place. Then we found a river and covered bridge. The boys and dog got to go swimming. It was one of my favorite days. My ex husband was more about the destination then adventure.

I need some one who wants to get lost with me. I want some one taking the adventure with me instead of finding me.

Your Last Breath

We cried while holding you. We could tell you were slipping away. I told you, “Just be free baby.” We loved you up to your last breath. My poor son was crying non stop. He thought it was his fault that you had to leave us so early. You can’t speak to us. We tried to always make you happy. We don’t understand why you had to leave us so early. I hope you know that we loved you so much.

I swear the other night I saw you running around. You were always so happy just running in and out of closets. I hope you did not feel pain. If only you could talk we would have known you were sick. I was holding my son as we laid down to rest. I never seen him cry like this before. He loved you with all his heart. Him hurting is making my heart hurt, even worse.

Learning about death is horrible. Watching your son cry is the worst. I can’t fix this. No matter what I do. I can’t bring her back. I hate that you had to go so soon. I hope you know we loved you. Be free baby I hope to see you up in heaven.

Sometimes Things Just Happen

Unsinkable ships sink

Unbreakable walls break

Unbendable steal bends

Sometimes things just happen

Love changes into hate, sometimes

Happiness turns into sadness

Freedom turns into imprisonment

Sometimes things just happen

Strong can turn into weak

Laughter can change to silence

Hearts can break

Trust can be broken

The truth can turn into a lie

Some day can turn into never

A fantasy can turn into reality

Sometimes things just happen

The sun will rise

The sun will set

Dreams can come true

Hearts can mend

You can find love

You can change yourself

You can change your plans

You can change where you live

The only thing you can never change is dying

The only thing that is forever is death

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