Best saying don’t let your past be your future. The only problem with that is if you lie, your lies become your future. You can not outrun lies. It’s like three mayor rules do not lie, cheat, or steal. For some reason, people have a hard time following these three simple rules in life. Not sure why? One lie because of another, and then it snowballs. It is unfortunate to see some will never learn. You are not caring who their lies hurt. I hate when they say I was protecting you. You should never and never have to lie to someone. You are only prolonging their pain. Treat others as you want to be treated—another easy rule.
In some ways, most people live a lie. They own stuff that’s not theirs. They buy on credit. If you live on credit, you live a lie. Unfortunately, that’s the American way. People live in houses they really can’t afford; they drive cars they can not afford. Why? Well, it’s the American way. My eyes, you’re stupid! If you don’t have cash for it, don’t buy it! Stop living a lie! I live in the hood. Why? Because that’s what I can afford. I refuse to live a lie. I did that for way too many years. Was I happy? No! Not at all. Am I happy now that I live the truth? Hell yeah! You should try it. Most will never. They are so glad living there lie. Until it all falls apart, trust me, when it all falls apart, and it will, it sucks! All lies catch up one way or another.
Ugh, it’s cold again! I am out in the cold ! No one cares! Why do people think cats don’t feel pain! Well, we do, and we get sad when you leave us. When you throw us out in the cold and never come for us. We are scared and sad. Not any cat can take our place. We are all not the same! I am out in this damn cold because some other cat took my place! They are not me, and they can never replace me. Humans are so cruel! They take us in show us this great life then just throw us away. Trust me if I see that cat there will be a fight!
How dare she to take what I had! But then again, your just to blame! How dare you throw me out with no care. You just figured someone else would save me. Well, guess what, no one did. You moved on, and I am out roaming in this cold alone. Are you happy??? Happy that I am sad? Glad that I am alone, scared, and cold? Why would you care? You have another kitty. You had another kitty before you even kicked me out. Hoping I would be someone else’s problem. Well, don’t worry, you are free of me. I have stopped searching for you. I will never have that feeling of being safe again. I will always be on the run.
I know better than to trust, but sometimes I forget. The comfort takes over, and guards come down. I am too old for this. I should be warm and being taken care of. Instead, I am out here in the damn cold. At least my heart is safe!
Was what we had even real??? I would have to say no. I really thought you were different than all of them. No, no, you weren’t. If not, you were worse. You lied and then lied more. Am I upset? Am I hurt? No, I am actually happy that I wasn’t crazy. I knew all along. Is what you did forgivable no, no, it isn’t. Not at all. You not only lied; you crushed me. You destroyed me! Just to know that you walked away from me just to be someone else. That you destroyed me with no care in the world. Not only did I love you, but you were also my friend! Do I feel better now that I know the truth? Yes, I do. Now I can move on. Realizing I was nothing to you, does it hurt? Yes, it does. Will I recover? Yes, I have already, kind of like putting a puzzle together and not being able to find the last few pieces. Well, I found them. Now I can put it to together and uncover a new mystery.
I wish you all the happens in the world. I love you still like my friend. I will never walk away as a friend. Would I ever trust you with my heart? No! Never! That part of my life with you is over. Do I question the time we spent together? Yes, I do. I hope all the lies were worth it. Not sure what I did in this life never to deserve love but I should if known. I’m like that stray cat that everyone loves till they get to close. I knew who you were when I got involved. It was my bad to think I was special. I knew better then to give you my heart.
You are free of me and the past. I now know the truth, and now you can move on freely. Maybe someday I will find someone to love me. If not, I will survive. I love myself. Don’t worry about me; I am just fine. Just like the day you left me at the beach. Just to be with someone else. I hope she was worth it. I hope she takes care of you and gives you love that I couldn’t. I feel stupid that I thought you actually loved me. I was nothing but a fling to you. I am sorry for making you carry this lie for so long. I actually feel bad for you. I could never live with that lie. Then again, I could never destroy someone like you did. The lies are over. You are free
I can’t say anything more than serious fuck off 2020! So what has happened in this year of hell? First of all, we lost our freedom. Never ever did I ever see the day that would happen. When did you ever think leaving your house would be a crime? Something that was supposed to be two weeks has gone on for eight months and still counting! My son lost his best friend to suicide. He was 19! I lost my income. We were trapped in the United States. We are forced to wear masks to hide our faces. My poor beloved bunny died. Half of the world was on unemployment. I now have a fear of going out in large crowds. I got involved in politics since our freedom was taken. I wanted to understand what the fuck was going on. I wish more people would of. Maybe we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in now. I realized people are clueless. I learned how sheltered people are. It’s actually terrifying that people believe the media.
Sadly I have realized that I live in a different world than most of my friends. For starters, I live in the hood. I also love it! Most of my friends won’t even come to my house. It’s sad the sheltered life they live. They will never see what I see. They will never learn what I have. Oddly I don’t judge them for living sheltered lives, but yet they judge me. How can you judge something that you have never lived? I used to live my life like all of them. I would never go back. Having to shelter in place, I had a lot of time to think. I am definitely the odd man out of all my friends. Has this caused me to be more distant? Yes, I would definitely say so. Would I realize this if we weren’t forced to stay home? No, most likely not. Do I still love all my friends? Yes, of course. The smartest friend I have. Left this fucking country a year and a half ago. I know for a fact he would also say fuck 2020! He has had a rough year for sure.
The world has gotten mean! Everyone is pissed! For an excellent reason. They have lost loved ones and could not say good-bye. So many people have lost their lives. People have lost their jobs, houses, business and the list goes on. I feel horrible for everyone. Unfortunately, 2021 isn’t looking very bright either. I am shocked at how many people are willing to give up their freedom. Then again, if you live a sheltered life and watch media. They really have no idea what is going on. I recently had a friend say only the uneducated voted for freedom. I can’t even comment on that….
For all of you that work in the medical field, for all you workers on the front line. My heart goes out to you. For all of you who have lost your business. For all of you who have lost your job. For all of you have lost their house. For all of you who lost love ones. I will pray for you in 2021. The well-educated people chose they didn’t want freedom……..
A word I have such a hard time saying! How do you tell someone I don’t want you to pick me up! Is it because I’m so little and cute? At first, it’s ok. Can’t you tell I am squirming around? Can you not see I am uncomfortable? Sometimes I will just sit there and deal with it. Then I get annoyed. I yell and scream, and I may even scratch you. I don’t mean it, but I just couldn’t tell you NO! I don’t want to upset you. I know you just want to love on me. You mean no harm. I wish to be left alone. You have to wait for me to want you to pick me up. I can not guarantee that I will. ……
Just because I am out here roaming this world alone doesn’t mean I need you or even want you. Your not my owner, who left me. You can never be him. I may have forgotten how his voice sounded. I may have forgotten how I loved him to hold me. I am 100 percent positive if I ever see him again, he can pick me up. I search for him daily. I go back to the place he left me. He isn’t there. I know people don’t mean to upset me. I just don’t understand why they always want to pick me up! You can talk to me and pet me. Well, not always. Sometimes I wish to be left alone. I know I will walk this world alone unless I change my ways. But I am an old cat, and I don’t see that happening. There are days that I am sad and all I want is someone to pick me up and cuddle me. Those days are usually the days no one is around or cares that I am sad and lonely.
Words I can’t stand. You’re too cute and friendly to be a stray. Why do they assume I don’t like being a stray? I tried the house cat thing. I failed at it and ended back out on the streets. I believe this is where I belong. Why do they assume that I need someone? I mean, I miss the excellent food I used to get. Having to search for food every day gets tiring. I miss the nice comfy bed I would sleep in. Mainly I miss having someone love me. I have gotten catnapped before. They picked me up and brought me in a thing that went fast. It took me days to escape, and when I did, I had no idea where I was. It took me days to get back in my hood. I do have to run away from the pet police. If they get a hold of me, an old kitty like me doesn’t stand a chance to make it out alive. Will I give in one day and be a house kitty again? I guess time will tell. For right now, there are enough Tomcats to keep me happy. So if you see a cute kitty, don’t assume they want you to pick them up. You may say, why not just run away? The truth is profound down, I am really a scared kitty, and I really like attention and miss it so much. When receiving attention, I like it a lot. I know it’s false and short-lived. So I take what I can get for a short about of time.
How do I keep getting myself in these situations? I am too old to be running around, trying to find out where I belong. I should be fat and happy house cat by now. Sadly I don’t believe my guy is coming back for me. I have many dreams where he finds me. I have forgotten how his voice sounds. I wonder if he even remembers me. I am sure he has other Kittys now. I thought I was special, but I guess I am not. I used to search for him. I know I have been everywhere. Why did he have to leave me? I know he said he had to go far away. But why????
There was a bad storm, the wind and rain were so scary. I found a safe place to watch. I hope all my friends did, ok. I have been walking around haven’t seen them yet. I wonder if my guy knows that there was a storm. That I had to brave it all alone, I always wonder why house Kittys always want to get out; I just want to get in a house. If they had any idea how hard and scary it is out there, they would change their minds.
I do have to say the few times I have been taken in. I did get a little bored. I do like to roam around. Maybe I’m not a good house cat. Perhaps I was born to roam freely. I do have so much love to give. I do love taking care of everyone. I just figured at this time in my life things would have come together. Well another storm is in the sky. Going to run and hide.
We woke up today to the worse news ever. You decided to leave this world to soon—so many questions. We will never understand why. Your decision will impact so many people for the rest of there lives. My son lost his best friend today. Why? You had your whole life in front of you. We never realized the pain you felt. The news of your passing has rocked all of us. You had so many people who would have helped. The pain I feel is for my sons. You have changed their lives forever.
You were always so caring. You always looked out for everyone. How could you just leave and not care? What it would do to everyone.
My son’s life will be changed forever. The loss of you will always stay with him. I can’t fix his pain. I can’t explain what I don’t understand. I hope to see my son be able to smile again. If I could take his pain away, I would.
Suicide is the most selfish thing. I can never understand it. Nothing can ever be that bad. I pray for my boys. I hope they can recover from this. Nothing will ever be the same. They will have to move on in life with the new standard, so many questions with no answers.
You will truly be missed. I pray for all of your family. I pray for all the ones you left behind.
You were only here for a short 19 years. At that time you helped a lot of people. You changed my son’s life. He will forever remember you.
It’s so nice out! Are we planing a beach day no! Are we looking for what bands are playing no! We heading out on a boat no! I never ever thought I would miss my friend so much! This new “normal” sucks! The news is so grim. I hate even listening to it. I fear for my parents so far away. I fear for every one. I try to stay home. I may go for a walk with no one around. I run in to stores to get what I can to feed my boys. No money coming in except from my ex for child support. That doesn’t cover the bills and food. I sit in this room day after day. I think screw it I will go to the front lines and work. Then the thought is if I get this? If I don’t live. My poor boys will have no one! I just can’t. I will just continue to try to pay who I can. Pray this all will end soon. Not knowing how long I can go with no money. This is not just my fear but thousands of people. Most likely more than that. Like if I go to work am I just causing this to spread to my family? Could I ever forgive myself if my sons got it? For money? It’s not worth my sons life. I have no idea when this will end. No one actually knows. I believe that is the scary part. How many more people have to die? Before people listen! I am poor as shit. No idea how to pay bills. Yet I stay home! The future is scary. This is going to cause some scary stuff. The world we are used to be won’t be any more. I try every day to think positive. I stay off social media for a couple of hours. I pray that some how this will all work out! Till then I smile
I was awoken by a dog barking. The big ball of fire isn’t even up, yet. Lately it really doesn’t matter what time I roam around. It seems like there are more cats and dogs out, then humans.
No one wants to even pet me anymore. Lots of dogs are out, so I can’t even sneak in through the back yard. I am out roaming for food, and for any kind affection. People seem scared when they see me; I don’t understand. What have I done so wrong that no one wants me? I am hungry and my normal places have no food out.
Where are all the humans? Where is all the good food? Every human I see out has a dog with them. Dogs are fun to play with, but not when humans have them. The little humans seem to like me still. They always call me and pet me. They don’t seem to be bothered. From whatever has these humans are scared of. I have talked to my kitty friends. They have no idea. All they know is there is no food anywhere! I see my human friends. They also roam the streets with me. They said your lucky kitty! You can’t get this thing that kills us. Omg, I hope my human is safe! I know he left me to roam this damn world alone. I still remember my human. I miss him every night. I wonder if it even thinks about me? I am sure he has another kitty where ever he is. If I ever see my human again, I would forgive him. I would love to stop searching for a safe place to sleep and eat. No other human seems to want me. I have given up on even looking. Well, the dog has stopped barking. The ball of fire is still hidden. I found a comfy little spot. Back to my cat nap……
I walk in to my regular bar. Band is playing they are doing great! I feel the need to walk around. What am I searching for? I know your not here so what or who am I looking for? I take a glance around for familiar faces. I see some stop and say my hellos. Then on I go searching for ……. I don’t even know I kinda want to just walk away and walk the beach in hope I will find what I am searching for.
The band is playing the alcohol its flowing by the bartenders. (That was the last thing sober Julie had wrote)
Man with the blue shirt tried to be you. He grabbed my hand tried dancing with me. He is not you. Can’t dance at all. I danced the night away wishing I was with you. Sober Julie is way gone and drunk Julie has taken over. I am smiling and happy on the out side. While in the inside I feel like I a dying. The pain of you never being there with me again. Pain I will never dance the night away with you again.
Tonight people will only see what I want them to see. That is fake smile and no tears. Not sure what’s harder being happy or faking it. I have the feeling of I don’t belong. I have that feeling every where I am. So where do I belong? I feel like that book not my momma. It’s a bird trying to find who he belongs with. I have no idea. I don’t feel like I belong when I am out or when I am home or at work. Where do I belong? I feel like I need a tag return to sender. I was meditating one day I closed my eyes I got in a very happy place. I struggled to see who I was with. Where did my mind take me and with who? I was in shocked who actually was in my pease place. Oddly I will never see him again. I will never speak to him again. My heart and head are not in the same spot. Some day I will belong I hope. One day I will find some one that is good for my heart and head. Till then I will fake my smile and dance threw life. Till we meet again on this side or the other…….