Wtf

I believe that men and I guess woman but I speaking as a woman so. Men should have to fill out an application before they get a date. I want reference!

Just because you buy dinner does not give you a pass to grope me! It’s not like a fucking down payment. Don’t think that if I hug you it means more.

I am nice and I hate conflict. I hate to be mean. So it makes it hard when some one does something that I don’t want. I have drove away from a groping date. Before I pull out I hit block. Is that right no! It’s not. I do what I hate when it’s done to me.

I have had some one tell me I am just not for them. It hurt worse then being blocked. The words hurt. It felt like just like when I was married. When he said I just don’t want you.

When I go on date and they ask me about my ex. I just say he fucked my best friend. Then the conversation is over. There is so much more but I will never talk about.

I have gotten to close to some. I told them my dark past. In there meanest they have used it against me.

I have no idea what has happened in this crazy world. Many days I just give up. I rather just stay single.

I have heard stories from my guy friends that woman are just as crazy. I could image that. Maybe we are all crazy became we have to deal with crazy ass men!!! Lol

When cats dream

I love to sleep! It’s when every thing is good. When I sleep you are here with me. We are back in our house and happy. I can even smell you in my sleep. I don’t need for anything. I have every thing I need. I get to lay on that great bed. I can feel you laying next to me.

Then I get woken by another furry thing that barks. So annoying, Not sure why humans like them so much. They are so needy. Maybe that’s what I need to be more needy. There are tons of kittys out here. You don’t see very many dogs. Now this thing wakes me up out of my happy place. Now I have to run because its now chasing me. I run up a big tree. He can’t climb so I am safe. I find a branch and off to sleep I go……

This time my dream is not good. I am searching for you. I can’t find you. You left me again! I can’t even have a good dream any more. I have a hard time remembering you. Soon I will forget your voice then your smell. My dreams won’t be happy any more. I don’t no how long you have been gone. I do no I want to find you. No one can take care of me like you.

Our time was cut short. You just left me one day. Until I can see you again I just hope to see you when I sleep. I hope I never forget you. The only time I feel happy is when I dream……

Where are you???

You have me searching all over this town for you. Where are you?? Are you hurt some where??? I try calling you no answer. I text nothing…

O wait you have just been ghosted! Why do people think this ok? When did this become a normal thing. When did a break up text become a thing. What is wrong with people!? I can’t under stand. Do people ever grow up?? Am I going to be playing these stupid games in my 60″s?? Dear lord I hope not!

There is gotta to be a better way. I am so tired of dating. Ugh!!! My friends say then don’t date. Well what other options do I have? I don’t want to be alone forever. Dating is like gardening you have to weed out all the bad stuff. I don’t have time to garden. I just want the good stuff.

After another bad date or getting ghosted. I become to hate my ex husband. I should not be dealing with this shit in my 40″s. Then I think of all the fun I have. I get less angry at him. I mean the last 9 years I have done more then I did when I was with him. So really I should thank him in some ways.

My real question is do men ever grow up??? Do they ever stop the games? I mean really why ghost some one? Just say what you want! We are all adults and we can handle it.

Have I ever been the one that ghosted some one? I am guilty of it too. Not sure why I do it. I guess it’s easier to hit block. Then say your to old, weird, short,needy, and best of all boring. I hate being mean to people. I never want to hurt any one.

Have I become a serial dater? God I hope not. Maybe I should start drinking coffee lol. What am I looking for?? I hate this question. I want to say I have no idea. I really don’t but when I find it I will let you no.

I wish there was an app to build the perfect guy. Like mr potato head. Wouldn’t that be great!

The Weather

The weather lately has mirrored my mood. It’s dark and cries a lot. My mind is stuck in a dark spot. It’s very gloomy and storms often. The sky is crying more then normal. I woke up with tears in my eyes. I walked outside and the sky was crying, also.

When I was happy I would walk in the rain. I would look up and smile. Now when it rains it gives me more ways to hide. I can hide from friends and I can hide my tears. Standing out in the rain with tears coming down my face. I hear thunder, then the lighting strikes. It’s storming again, just like my mind.

I fear tomorrow the sun will be out. I am not ready to face it. I need more time to hide. I need to hide my tears. I need more time to hide away. The world has been so dark just like how I feel.

When I wake up and the sun is shining on me, I cover my eyes. I just don’t want to see the brightness. I am not ready to be out of my darkness. I put on a fake smile and go to work. I try all day to not cry.

I get in the car and sky is crying just as I am, all the way home. It’s storming again tonight. It makes it easy to stay home; home, where I am safe from everyone. I am not ready to fake happy. My mind is still dark with storms. and just like the weather I have been crying more then usually. Maybe tomorrow the sun will be out. Maybe tomorrow my world won’t be dark. Maybe the skies will stop crying, and so will I…

maybe…….

Just Hug Me!

I just wanted a hug, that’s all. I needed to feel you! You always told me that you would never forget about me. You said that you don’t want to hurt me. I just needed a hug. I had the worst night of my life and I just wanted you!

I know you can’t help me anymore. I am all on my own. I don’t want to be. I just want you back in my life. It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything. How can you just forget about me. Why are you not feeling pain? I can’t do anything right. I try to stay happy, and just try to talk about your future. You get mad at me. I can’t do anything right. I am sorry. I just want you in my life. I want you to like me again. I just want to hug you! I needed you tonight and you would not come. If you only knew how bad I was hurting, maybe you would have come over; most likely not. Your moving on, and could care less about my hurt. You think if you’re mean and shut me out, that I will just move on. It doesn’t work like that. You could just close me out for years; but my heart won’t change.

Your Voice

What I miss the most is your voice. Each day I forget more things. I miss seeing your smile. I miss your touch. Most of all, I miss having you to talk to.

When I go to sleep I see you. I feel you wrapping your arms around me. I know if you could, you would be here. I pick up the phone to call you like 5 times a day, knowing there is no way for you to answer. I only wish you would have set up your voice mail, so I could at least just hear your voice.

I miss you so much, it hurts to think about it. I am hoping I never forget how you look, or your smile. I never want to forget you.

You may feel like you did me a favor, but you did not. I know you hate that I am hurting. It’s not your fault. Please forgive me but I can’t stop loving you….. now I know your smiling because I just broke out with a song.

I wake up crying because you are no longer here holding me. When I fell asleep, you were with me holding me. I try to roll over to see if I can find you. The sun is too bright, and my heart is too dark. Another day without you means more that I will forget about you. Days will turn into weeks, weeks will turn into months, months will turn into years…. before I know it, I won’t remember how you feel holding me.

I won’t remember your smile, or how I felt when you touched me, or how you made me laugh. I won’t remember how it felt to dance with you. Most of all I won’t remember your voice. But for now I will close my eyes and sleep with you holding me……

Play Kitty

I never realized how much I love to play. I just love to play with everything. I just don’t like to be played with. I want to play on my terms. When you play with me and I get happy, then you just stop, I might bite you.

I don’t mean any harm, I just want your attention. I want you to realize that playing with me might be fun. You should just leave me alone until I am ready to play again.

I am so happy you got to have fun with me when I was just a kitten. Now that I am older I don’t like to play as much. I am so glad I got to entertain you. I know at some point I made you happy. You still love me, but I am just not that fun anymore.

I worry at some point if you will go find a new kitten to play with. I just hope you don’t get rid of me. I am glad I got you through a rough time in life. It just seems like you need something else. I try to play more, and try to love you more. You just seems like you don’t want to play with me anymore. Maybe it’s better if I just run away. That way you won’t have to worry about me anymore. I don’t want to stay with someone who wants something else. I didn’t realize you wanted just to play with me for a short time. I didn’t realize you just wanted to play.

I will go away now. Don’t worry about me. I will see who else wants to play with me.

Don’t look for me. I don’t want to play anymore. Not now not for awhile.

I cut my paw on some glass you broke. So it hurts when I play right now. I am sure in time my paw will heal. I will go on and play, in time. I hope you find your forever kitten that loves to play. I am sorry I could not be your forever kitty…….

Run Kitty

I woke up. It felt odd in the house, and I have no idea why? I came down the stairs to see that he left the door open. Odd! Why would he do that? He always told me to stay in where it’s safe. Now the door is wide open, knowing I will walk out of it…So out I go. I ran around like a silly kitty. I found some friends and hung out with them. I was just wondering when he was going to come get me. But he never came.

I started to get hungry and sleepy. I walked for a while and realized it must have been days! I had seen that big bright thing in the sky at least 3 times. OMG! I can smell you! I must be close to home. Thank God! I am starving and lonely. I miss you I want you to pet me. I want to fall asleep on your chest. Oh, how I can’t wait to be back with you. I will never run out that damn door again.

This was the house, but you weren’t there! None of our stuff…nothing! Where are you? What did I do? I am so sorry for running out the door. Please come back for me. I will never ever run away again, I promise. I will never wake you up, or keep you up again. I promise! just come back. I am hungry!!!! I start running through the house in a panic. I see someone…not you.

He is reading something (this is what the note read), “Dear new owner, I had to disappear. I could not take my cat. She is going to be sad and mad. She may hiss at you, but she is really a sweet kitty, once she gets to know you. She will trust you and stay loyal. She will never run away. She loves to sleep on my chest. She is needy and she gets hungry a lot. I left her favorite food on the counter. When you are done reading this. Say, “Jasmin you are safe with me.” Make sure you say “Jasmin” then she will know it’s from me. I will come back from time to time to check on her from distance. She will never trust me again, so no worries; I will never take her away from you. Please take care of Jasmin and tell her I will love her forever. I just had to go.”

He looked at me and said, “Jasmin, you are safe.” Wait did he just call me Jasmin? OMG! Did he leave me???? Now I have to deal with this person. How will he know how to pet me, and how to feed me. How could he think he could just send someone else to take his place. So I took off and ran! I want to find you. I will run for years until I find you. I don’t want just anyone; I want you!

Well, Okay! I am hungry so I walk back and somehow he has the same food. Of course I hiss at him. But I do eat the food he left me. I guess I will sleep on this bed since it’s here. I still want you. He can hear me crying for you. He says, “My poor Jasmin, I know how it feels to be abandoned and I am not taking his place. I just want to help you make it through this. I realize I am not him. I will never leave you. If I leave you, come with me, ok? Until then, let’s just enjoy each other while we are both missing someone.”

Still crying, I fell asleep that night and many more. I loved to sleep because that’s when I got to see you. I miss you so much……..

If cats could cry

If cats could cry, my whiskers would soaked with tears. The other night when you were crying, I licked your tears away. Wishing I could also cry. I finally found a safe place to stay; a place I would love to call home. All you say is you can’t wait to leave. You don’t have to leave me, but you choose to. Why do you still hold me and tell me you miss me while your gone? I have never done any thing wrong. All I did was let you play with me. I purr the minute I see you. I never want morning to come. With each night that passes, you get closer and closer to leaving me. Don’t you worry that someone might take me? What if I get lost and starve to death? How could you just leave me, and not care?

I know there is another cat waiting for you there. She won’t be anything like me. I am the best cat out there, and you have me. You’re just going throw me out and leave? Why??!? What on earth did I do so wrong? I look at you with sad eyes. I love you and I don’t want you to go. All I can do is show you. If cats could cry…..

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