No words

I have so much to say but don’t want to say anything at all. I sit here and stare and think about everything.

When I am interrupted by someone asking me “What are you thinking about?”, my answer is always nothing. My mind is racing with so much stuff, if I told you half of it, you would think I was crazy.

I sit in silence and just let my mind race away. It’s kinda like writing a letter that you are never going to send.

When you see someone starting out to space, don’t ask them what they are thinking about – they will never tell.

They are letting their mind take over for awhile. When I was growing up, I would go to the ocean. I would sit on a rock and just stare at the ocean for hours.

The thoughts I have sometimes are so sad that I will just be standing there, with tears falling down my face. Whenever I find someone who I think wants to actually know about my thoughts and my past, I share and I end up sharing too much. They learn too much and then they run. My thoughts are broken just as I am. So that’s why when people ask me how I am, I respond with I am “ok”.

I am broken and I cannot be “fixed”, it’s just who I am. Everyone I like has no interest in actually knowing me. Everybody who likes me I don’t like. The words are great but…..

Those words play over and over in my head. From now on, my thoughts will only stay in my head. I will put on the smile and cry in private. I thought I was ready to love again. I thought wrong. I have nothing to give. I have nothing left.

I will continue to sit by the ocean and let my mind take over. The ocean never judges me. Some days, I go in and let the waves wash away my tears.

So never ask what some one is thinking if you’re not ready to listen……..

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