On our first date he said girl I will give you any thing you want for that smile. He had be from then on. I said your so nice to me. He said I just want that smile. I gave him my heart. I felt so free with him loving him came easy. As long I smiled he was happy. He made it easy to smile and I loved the way he took care of me.

Then the reality hit he was leaving soon. My smile then went away. I had to become a person I didn’t like. I had to be cold. He would say where is your smile? I said it’s gone like you in a month. He said I told you this was going to end. In the beginning it seemed so far away but now it it’s so close. I had to protect my heart. I refuse to feel that hurt I felt before. I became mean to him. It hurt me to be so cold. I just wanted him to hate me so it would make it easy when he left. Did it work no not really. I hope he knows that it was act. I have not spoken to him since he left. I wish I could of told him how I really felt but there was no need. We both New we held each other and cried the night before he left.

I hate good byes they just seem so final. My line is I will see you again either on this side or the other. When my heart shuts off it’s over. Most of the time it’s over way before the final. When ever I feel like my heart might get broke. I shut it down I become a person who I don’t know. I protect my heart. I will never ever be that broken person crying on there bedroom floor again! I seem to always fall for the ones who want to leave me. I am never the final girl.

Maybe I am meant to be alone forever. Maybe that is gods plans. Oddly I love having some one to share my life with. Maybe I am like a swan. Maybe I already had my mate for life. Maybe the plan is just be free forever. Maybe I am just a Tom cat. I just want to find some one who wants my smile forever.

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