For so many years I was always the other woman. I was the other person; not the one they wanted to date…not the one they wanted to marry. I was ust the woman to have fun with. I never understood this. I was such a nice person. What did all these other woman have that I didn’t? So many times, the guys I liked would show up with girlfriends. I would have to watch them kiss and dance with them. I was always wondering, “What do they have I don’t?” “Why did I end up in the friend pile?” or “Why was I just the fun girl?”
It was always so sad, but I blocked it with a smile, and never let anyone know how bad it hurt. Was I not pretty enough? Was I not smart enough? I guess it was because I was still broken. I thought I was ready to love again, but my mind was not. I am outgoing and funny, and I talk to everyone, but I never talk about how I really feel.
I think that maybe my best friend, who never drinks, most likely knows more about me then most, lol. There were so many nights that I am sure she heard it all, lol. Thank God she can be trusted with secrets. I have watched so many that I had felt strong connection with, pass me by. I always reasoned, “Oh well. It was not meant to be.”
I just gave up and I figured I would be alone forever. No one can fix my broken heart. I have too many issues that I have never dealt with. I guess my mind was always still married. Once married and that’s it, you can never love again. I was just so broken. I never realized how broken I really was. I was able to just walk away with no strings attached.
Who have I become? I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I said, “That’s it! I am broken and fat. It’s time to fix me.” That’s just what I did. I took care of me. After my boyfriend’s job ended here, he packed up and left. The night before he left, he told me I packed on some pounds and became weak. Wait! WTF! Weak?! I have heard those words before….from my ex-hubby as he was slamming me against the wall…that time with the boys right there.
I told myself I will never be that person again, yet I did. WTF!!!
So I worked on me. I started working out and took my DNA test. I went every week to get my vitamin B12 shot, and I got weighed in, and every week the scale kept going down. I became happy. I started to heal. I woke happy…like really happy! Happy to be alive. happy I had my boys. Just happy! I was excited to go work out. I really cannot express how happy I felt.
Then it happened. I became the one! He wanted to date me! He liked me! So many great things have happened to me. I wake up smiling that God gave me another day. I am so happy I can’t ever remember feeling like this. Not only because someone likes me. Because of my life the changes I made. I literally feel like my heart has healed and so has my mind.
The dark days are behind me and I never want to go back. Only wining the lottery would make me more happy. I love every day. I am happy, and really feel it. I lied for so many years saying I was happy, because I forgotten what happy really feels like.