This is the best way to describe how I felt when he told me it was over…
So your on death row and you dream about somehow breaking out. You dream about it, You think about it all the time. Then in the middle of the night the guards come into your cell. They turn on the light and say, “Ok! time to go.”
You’re very confused thinking this is some kind of sick joke. Then panic sets in. It’s winter and I have no clothes. No one knows I am coming. I have no where to go and no money. I have been dreaming of this day for 12 years. How could I not be prepared? Is this some kind of test? Are they going to open the door and If I start running are they going to shoot me?
We had been through so much in 12 years. Two boys, and we lost a baby together. I have dealt with him cheating online. But every time we ended up stronger then we were. What was so different this time? Our whole marriage was built on me making him happy. What ever he wanted I did. I always felt like I was not good enough for him. I always felt he could do so, so much better. So I dealt with the hitting and name calling and meanness. As long as I did what was asked of me, he would stay happy.
So I thought. I could not even get him alone after I was told it was over. My (who I thought was my best) friend had basically moved in. I watched them fall in love in front of me. Living in a town of nearly 4000 people. Everyone knew everything! My poor boys were in school with her kids. If any of you think you had a messy, horrible divorce, I’ll bet I’ve got you beat.
As my life was falling apart around me. He made it public for the world to see…he posted on Facebook! So not only did the whole town know, now all my family and friends, and all of his family and friends knew. We hadn’t even told the boys yet!
My only time alone with him after he told me it was over, I asked, “Why? Why are you leaving us?” He said, “I need to find my happy.” I asked, “What makes you happy?” His response was “Music and golf.”
I don’t think I’ll ever forgot those words. The man who cried to me many nights saying, “I will never leave our family. I was left with nothing and I would never do that to you and the boys.”
Now he is leaving for music and golf? This is just the beginning…..