My life

I have very interesting life to say the least. It has taken me 42 years but I believe I finally found my happy place. I have just recently lost 50 pounds. I have found happy Julie and I feel complete. I work out every day and after I work out I feel so happy. I have a super physical job but I still hit the gym after or before. In May it will be 5 years that my boys and I packed up u-Haul and moved from New Hampshire to Wilmington nc. People always say why Wilmington? Well literally knowing no one we said where is there a beach that has waves for my oldest son could surf. After being threw the worst divorce ever I had to get out and far away. If I had to hear one more time o my Julie I am so sorry. Why people thought I was hurting or what ever is beyond me. I was soooo happy I felt like I had gotten set free out of prison. I literally hated being married every day! Maybe because I was married to wrong person. I really don’t know I just felt trapped and I hated it. So many times I tried to leave and I still hear these words in my head. You have no money or education and you have nothing with out me. Was it true yes I guess we had built our life together. I had helped him go back to school so he could get a great paying job while I stayed home with the boys. I am really not even sure if I even loved him ever. I was in love with being a wife. I love making people happy. I dedicated my life to making him happy what ever he wanted I did. He was always putting me on diets because I could not be fat! Looking at photos of when I was married I don’t think I have ever been that small. While I pregnant with our first son I gained a ton of weight. All I can remember was him saying you better lose all it. After I had our son he told me not to buy more clothes. Lose weight you can wear maternity clothes or mine till you get thin. I was so depressed. I had gained 80 pounds. I lost 95 pounds in 3 months. He never even said good job or you look nice nothing! I do remember him saying I was a wife and mother and I should not expect sex. Wtf I was 26 and I loved sex. I could go on and on but that’s enough of that. While I was married I had lost my self I was his wife or Jax’s mom or Bens mom. All I wanted to be was Julie! I remember one on my darkest days of my life. Right after he told me he wanted a divorce and it was over and turned in to a monster I did not recognize any longer. I was sitting in my car listening to radio I just gotten out of the grocery store. I sat in my car and wondered if I should just drive away far away. That maybe my boys would be better off if I just left. He had all the money I had nothing I new there life would be full of struggles. They would grow up pore like me. That’s a story I will tell another time. I thought if I just left who would really miss me? I new he would go on to marry and I new they would end with a mom. They would have much more opportunities if they just stayed with him. I new they would never leave me and the only way for that to happen is if I was gone. I have never shared that with any one. Then my thoughts were interrupted my cell phone going off. It was him I have no idea what he said but I heard Jax crying in the back ground and I new I had to go back take my boys and head on with life full of struggles. From that day and for the next 8 years it was just my boys and I. Never had a guy in there life just me. We traveled everywhere we went to Florida swam with dolphins then to San Diego. We even went to Costa Rica! We are about to buy our first house. First house I have bought by myself I love Wilmington and all of my great friends I have met. After being single for 8 years I found some one who truly makes me happy!

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